You Want To Know The Secret Of

My Co-stars Aren't Bad Actors, But They're No Zach Braff.

I Like To Think Of Myself As The Chris Benoit Of The Movie Industry, Capable Of Taking Any Picture And Carrying It To Box-office Success. Take Garden State, Without Me That Would Have Just Been Two Hours Of Portman Doging.

Compared To My Talents, Whoopi Goldberg Is Like One Of Those Fake Plastic Buddhas You Get At Dollar Stores. I Mean Really, I Fail To See The Humor In An Overweight Negro Woman With Dreadlocks, No Eyebrows, And Is Named After A Childish Term For Flatulence.

The Biggest Problem I Had With Starring In Scrubs Were The Black Doctors. I Just Had To Keep Telling Myself This Show Was Satire.

I Wouldn't Call Myself A Modern Shakespeare, But Shakespeare Was Probably To His Generation What I Am To Mine.