You Go Ahead. I'd Rather Not Be

On My Last-place Finish In The 50-yard Dash During Little League Tryouts “it Kinda Looked Like You Were Being Attacked By A Bunch Of Bees Or Something. Then When I Saw The Fat Kid With The Watch Who Was Timing You Start Laughing…. Well, I’ll Just Say It’s Never A Good Sign When A Fat Kid Laughs At You.

On My First Driving Lesson “first Things First: A Car Has Five Gears. What Is That Smell?…okay, First Thing Before That First Thing: Farting In A Car That’s Not Moving Makes You An Asshole.

Although Kurt Vonnegut May Not Be Considered A Humor Writer, 'breakfast Of Champions' Is One Of The Funniest Books I've Ever Read.

Los Angeles Is Like San Diego's Older, Uglier Sister That Has Herpes.

[the] Majority Of The Girls Working There Had Major Emotional Problems. And Not Cries-too-much Emotional Problems; More Like Stabs-her-boyfriend-with-a-steak-knife-then-falls-into-a-corner-and-starts-whispering-to-herself Emotional Problems.