You Don't Really Have To Believe What

Maintenance Is What You Have To Do Just So You Can Walk Out The Door Knowing That If You Go To The Market And Bump Into A Guy Who Once Rejected You, You Won't Have To Hide Behind A Stack Of Canned Food. I Don't Mean To Be Too Literal About This.

I Have Always Thought It Was A Terrible Shame That The Women's Movement Didn't Realise How Much Easier It Was To Reach People By Making Them Laugh Than By Shaking A Fist And Saying, 'don't You See How Oppressed You Are.

When I Buy A New Book, I Always Read The Last Page First, That Way In Case I Die Before I Finish, I Know How It Ends. That, My Friend, Is A Dark Side.

Everybody I Know Who Goes Out And Plays A Little Softball, They Break Their Leg.

You Can't Retrieve You Life (unless You're On Wikipedia, In Which Case You Can Retrieve An Inaccurate Version Of It).