You Can't Teach An Old Hater New

Text A Guy You Like Right Now, "i'm Thinking About You." If He Says, "mmm Are You In Bed?" Never Speak To Him Again He's A Lifelong Moron.

My Fam Is Just A Regular Family. But All Of Them Have Great Senses Of Humor.

I Can Smell Bullshit From A Mile Away But It's So Much Harder To Detect When It's Around You All Day.

I Don't Know If I Could Kill Someone With A Frozen Turkey Because That Is A Lot Of Evidence To Eat .... Unless I Found A Whole Room Of People Who Also Wanted That Person Dead.

When You Delete Pictures Of Your Ex Off Your Phone, It Feels Lighter.