You Can't Teach An Old Hater New

I Grew Up Very Self-loathing. I Was A Phobic. I Had Anxiety. I Had Panic Attacks.

The Problem With Dating A Model Is They Won't Go Out With You If Your Cars Color Doesn't Match Their Outfit.

I Always Thought That If I Got No Love At All Early In My Standup Career, Or I Was God Awful, I Thought I'd Get Into Psychology.

I Love Singing Along To The Radio While I'm Riding In The Back Of A Squad Car.

If You Lie To A Person At Least Tell Someone Else You've Lied To The Truth. It Balances Out Your Karma.