You Can Hold On To Me For

When I Thought Of Eric With Someone Else, I Wanted To Rip Out All His Beautiful Blonde Hair. By The Roots. In Clumps.

Well, That's Certainly... Adequate," I Told Him, Burying My Face In His Chest. I Knew Immediately I'd Picked The Wrong Word. "adequate?" He Took My Hand, Placed It On The Part In Question. It Immediately Began To Stir. He Moved My Hand On It, And I Obligingly Circled It With My Fingers. "this Is Adequate?" "maybe I Should Have Said It's A Gracious Plenty?" "a Gracious Plenty. I Like That," He Said.

But In My Book, It Was Basically Bad Taste To Stare At Someone's Assets, No Matter How Much On Display They Were.

Eric Followed Vlad Tepes’s Stubby Finger, Identifying Me As The Future Happy Meal. Then He Stared At Dracula, Looking Up From His Kneeling Position. I Couldn’t Read His Face At All, And I Felt A Stirring Of Fear. What Would Charlie Brown Have Done If The Great Pumpkin Wanted To Eat The Little Red-haired Girl?

Come On, Lover, Let's Have A Look," Eric Said, Giving Me A Quick Kiss. He Jumped Off The Back Porch With Me Still Attached To Him—like A Large Barnacle