Yesterday Was Chinese New Year. It's The

Stocks Are At An All-time High Today. I Don't Have Any Money In The Stock Market. I Don't Have The Stomach For The Ups And Downs. So About 20 Years Ago I Put All Of My Money And Liquid Assets Into Videotape Rewind Machines.

Chi-os Were Ideal Partners For All Occasions. They Were Discrete, Desirable, Tactful, Polite, And Fun... Every Mom Dreamed Of Her Son Coming Home With A Chi Omega, A Woman's Woman.

But Down In Florida In The Early Voting, There Were Computer Glitches, Confusing Ballots, Long Lines And Chaos. And When President Bush Heard About This, He Said, 'mission Accomplished!'

Yesterday Was Not Only Daylight Saving Time, But Also International Women's Day. What Better Way To Address The Issue Of Inequality For Women Than Giving Them A Day That's Missing An Hour.

Asked By Reporters About His Upcoming Marriage To A Forty-two-year-old Woman, Director Roman Polanski Told Reporters, `the Way I Look At It, She's The Equivalent Of Three Fourteen-year-olds.'