When Life Hands You A Lemon, Say,

My Laptop Seems To Know Where I Am, Even If I Don't. My Cellphone Asks Me If I Want Directions To Anywhere From The Spot I Am Standing In. I Buy A Record Online And Amazon.com Sends Me Letters, Telling Me That People Who Bought What I Bought Also Bought These Other Records.

While I Have No Empirical Evidence To Back This Up, I Bet That The Number Of Homosexual People Per Thousand Has Not Fluctuated All That Much Over The Centuries. I Do Not Believe The Dented Wisdom My Father Used To Extol, That Homosexuality Was A Sure Sign Of A Civilization In Decline.

The Blues Is Losing Someone You Love And Not Having Enough Money To Immerse Yourself In Drink.

You’ll Never Know That Just Sitting Across A Room Full Of People, I Have Transformed You Into A Goddess. A Destroyer Of Despair.

I'm Not Much Of An Improv Guy. That's A Talent I Don't Have.