When I Was Doing Standup, I Always

Personally, I Think Jim Henson Said It Best When He Said "anybody Got An Aspirin? I Think I've Got A Cold."

If I'm President, There Are Going To Be Government Vans That Drive Around And Pick Up People Who Shouldn't Be Wearing Certain Clothing. Talk About Lack Of Civil Rights - I'm Sorry, I'm Pulling You Right Off The Street, And We're Giving You Clothes That You're Going To Be O.k. In.

If You Had No Enemies, You Had No Fun.

All Knowledge Is Ultimately Rooted In Metaphorical (or Analogical) Modes Of Perception And Thought.

No Matter What Anybody Says, Relationships Are Based On Physical Attraction. The First Time I Saw My Wife, It Was Pure Animal Whatever.