When I Was A Young Kid I

If You Can't Afford The Good Food Or If You Can't Afford Health Care Or If You Don't Have A Job Or If Your Car Is Dangerous Because You Can't Get It Fixed And You Die, You Just Lost The Game-bzzzzz-thanks For Playing Extreme Capitalism.

Americans Don't Understand Irony? I Am An Intelligent Person Living In The United States. My Entire Existence Is Ironic.

Well, Evolution's Just A Theory.' And, I'm Thinking To Myself, 'well, Thank Goodness Gravity's A Law.'

It Always Astounds Me That Over The Course Of My Career, And Having Lived In Four Comedy Cities - New York, Boston, San Francisco, And Los Angeles - There's Very Few People I Haven't Run Into.

Buying My Wife A Gun Sort Of Like Me Saying, ' You Know, I Kinda Want To Kill Myself, But I Want It To Be A Surprise'.