When I Want To Go To Sleep,

I Have Often Been Asked To Be Fair And View A Matter From All Sides. I Did So, Hoping That Something Might Improve If I Viewed Allsides Of It. But The Result Was The Same. So I Went Back To Viewing Things Only From One Side, Which Saves Me A Lot Of Work And Disappointment. For It Is Comforting To Regard Something As Bad And To Be Able To Use One's Prejudice As An Excuse.

Morality Is A Burglar's Tool Whose Merit Lies In Never Being Left Behind At The Scene Of The Crime.

Many Desire To Kill Me, And Many Wish To Spend An Hour Chatting With Me. The Law Protects Me From The Former.

Religion, Morality, And Patriotism Are Feelings That Are Manifested Only When They Are Outraged.

That An Author Takes A Bow Is Not Humility But Presumption. What Does The Paleface Want On The Stage Afterwards? But Before The Performance He Had Even Less Business There--and Paying Him Royalties Is Equivalent To Cheating The Actors.