When An Airplane's Engines Fail, It Is

I Didn't Like The Way I Looked, The Way I Dressed And Moved, What I Achieved And What I Felt I Was Worth. But There Was So Much Energy In Me, Such Belief That One Day I'd Be Handsome And Clever And Superior And Admired, Such Anticipation When I Met New People And New Situations. Is That What Makes Me Sad? The Eagerness And Belief That Filled Me Then And Exacted A Pledge From Life That Life Could Never Fulfill? Sometimes I See The Same Eagerness And Belief In The Faces Of Children And Teenagers And The Sight Brings Back The Same Sadness I Feel In Remembering Myself.

We Make Our Own Truths And Lies....truths Are Often Lies And Lies Truths.

I Took All The Blame. I Admitted Mistakes I Hadn't Made, Intentions I'd Never Had. Whenever She Turned Cold And Hard, I Begged Her To Be Good To Me Again, To Forgive Me And Love Me. Sometimes I Had The Feeling That She Hurt Herself When She Turned Cold And Rigid. As If What She Was Yearning For Was The Warmth Of My Apologies, Protestations, And Entreaties. Sometimes I Thought She Just Bullied Me. But Either Way, I Had No Choice.

In The Past, I Had Particularly Loved Her Smell. She Always Smelled Freshed, Freshly Washed Or Of Freshed Laundry Or Fresh Sweat Or Freshly Loved

Does Everyone Feel This Way? When I Was Young, I Was Perpetually Overconfident Or Insecure. Either I Felt Completely Useless, Unattractive, And Worthless, Or That I Was Pretty Much A Success, And Everything I Did Was Bound To Succeed. When I Was Confident, I Could Overcome The Hardest Challenges. But All It Took Was The Smallest Setback For Me To Be Sure That I Was Utterly Worthless. Regaining My Self-confidence Had Nothing To Do With Success...whether I Experienced It As A Failure Or Triumph Was Utterly Dependent On My Mood.