Well I Can Understand Why Men Want

If You're Dumb Enough To Volunteer For The Army, I Don't See Why We're Supposed To Feel So Bad When You Get Shot. I'm Not Saying We Should Throw A Party Or Anything, But Is It Such A Tragedy? If I'd Gotten Shot Before I Made 'garden State', Yeah, That's A Tragedy, But Some Red-state Hick Getting His Legs Blown Off? Come On.

If A Benevolent God Exists, So Does Reincarnation. He Wouldn't Send Me Here Just Once.

They Say The Number On Rule In Showbusiness Is Not To Work With Animals. I Guess I'm Above The Rules Because I Put Up With That For Seven Years.

Every Time I See A Child Walking Down The Street I Like To Trip Them. While They Look For Their Missing Teeth, I Personally Remind Them That No Matter How Hard They Try I Will Always Be Better Than Them.

I Was Originally Casted To Be In The Superman Movie But I Read The Script And Realized That It Was Mysteriously Similar To My Screenplay For Zach Braff The Movie.