We Will Try To Honor David Letterman

They Said You Can't Go To The Moon. They Said You Can't Put Cheese Inside A Pizza Crust, But Nasa Did It. They Had To, Because The Cheese Kept Floating Off In Space.

We All Know Why [the Generals] Are So Critical Of The Defense Secretary. They're Being Defensive Because They Weren't Able To Implement His Brilliant Plan [on Screen: Operation 'greet Us As Liberators']. It Was So Simple: Go In With 100,000 Troops, Topple The Regime, Everybody Loves Us, And We Leave By Easter 2003. These Ex-military Men Have Their Right To Their Opinions, That's Fine. They Just Shouldn't Voice Them During A War [on Screen: 'loose Lips Sink Approval Ratings']

Bill Moyers Is Everything I Never Aspire To Be: Calm, Thoughtful, And Informative.

While Skin And Race Are Often Synonymous, Skin Cleansing Is Good, Race Cleansing Is Bad.

I'm Not A Standup. I Didn't Start Off As A Writer, I Learned To Write Through Improvisation, And So That's The Part Of The Show That Can Most Surprise Me. The Written Part Of The Show, I Know I Can Get Wrong. You Can't Really Get The Interview "wrong."