We Live In What's Called An Open

Martha Stewart Was Found Guilty On All Charges. You Know What That Means, Stripes Are In This Year.

You Can't Stay Mad At Somebody Who Makes You Laugh.

Here's An Uplifting Story. Congratulations To The Little League Team From Huntington Beach, California. Yeah, They Beat Japan To Win The Little League World Series. That's Pretty Good. See, That Proves That When Math And Science Aren't Involved, Our Kids Can Beat Anybody.

Arnold Schwarzenegger Announced That He Is Going To Run For Governor On Our Program Last Night. My Staff Didn't Know, Arnold's Staff Didn't Know, I Was Shocked As Everyone Else. If He Doesn't Get Elected Governor, Maybe He Should Work For The Cia. I Mean, He Can Keep A Secret Better Than They Can.

President Bush Spent The Day Calling Names He Couldn't Pronounce In Countries He Never Knew Existed.