Try Not To Annoy Your Relatives Unnecessarily.

Should You Happen To Notice That Another Person Is Extremely Tall Or Overweight, Eats Too Much Or Declines Convivial Drinks, Has Red Hair Or Goes About In A Wheelchair, Ought To Get Married Or Ought Not To Be Pregnant -- See If You Can Refrain From Bringing These Astonishing Observations To That Person's Attention.

Etiquette Enables You To Resolve Conflict Without Just Trading Insults. Without Etiquette, The Irritations In Modern Life Are So Abrasive That You See People Turning To The Law To Regulate Everyday Behavior. This Frightens Me; It's A Major Inroad On Our Basic Freedoms.

It Is Wrong To Wear Diamonds Before Luncheon, Except On One’s Marriage Rings. Before, After, And During Breakfast, Luncheon And Dinner, It Is Vulgar To Wear A Mixture Of Colored Precious Stones. It Is Always A Comfort To Know That So Many Things One Can’t Afford To Do Anyway Are Vulgar.

Gentle Reader: You, Sir, Are An Anarchist, And Miss Manners Is Frightened To Have Anything To Do With You. It Is True That Questioning The Table Manners Of Others Is Rude. But To Overthrow The Accepted Conventions Of Society, On The Flimsy Grounds That You Have Found Them Silly, Inefficient And Discomforting, Is A Dangerous Step Toward Destroying Civilization.

If You Put Together All The Ingredients That Naturally Attract Children - Sex, Violence, Revenge, Spectacle And Vigorous Noise - What You Have Is Grand Opera.