Truth And Fact Are Old-fashioned And Out-of-date,

I Did Not Intend To Write A Funny Book, At First. I Did Not Know I Was A Humorist. I Have Never Been Sure About It. In The Middle Ages, I Should Probably Have Gone About Preaching And Got Myself Burnt Or Hanged.

I Also Think Pronunciation Of A Foreign Tongue Could Be Better Taught Than By Demanding From The Pupil Those Internal Acrobatic Feats That Are Generally Impossible And Always Useless. This Is The Sort Of Instruction One Receives : “press Your Tonsils Against The Underside Of Your Larynx. Then With The Convex Part Of The Septum Curved Upwards So As Almost — But Not Quite — To Touch The Uvula, Try With The Tip Of Your Tongue To Reach Your Thyroid. Take A Deep Breath, And Compress Your Glottis. Now Without Opening Your Lips Say "garoo".' And When You Have Done It They Are Not Satisfied.

It Takes 3 Girls To Tow Always; Two To Hold The Rope, And The Other One Runs Round And Round, And Giggles.

I Can See The Humorous Side Of Things And Enjoy The Fun When It Comes; But Look Where I Will, There Seems To Me Always More Sadness Than Joy In Life.

The Weather Is Like The Government, Always In The Wrong.