To All The Worryworts Out There Who

I Wrote Things For The School's Newspaper, And - Like All Teenagers - I Dabbled In Poetry.

I've Said It A Million Times: Romance Languages Lead To Premarital Sex.

The Way To A Man's Heart Is Through His Stomach...just Make Sure You Thrust Upward Through His Ribcage.

We All Deserve Credit For This New Surveillance State That We Live In Because We The People Voted For The Patriot Act. Democrats And Republicans Alike....we Voted For The People Who Voted For It, And Then Voted For The People Who Reauthorized It, Then Voted For The People Who Re-re-authorize D It.

No Matter How You Were Born, No Matter How You Identify, I Want To Be Clear That I Would Be Proud To Grind You Up And Eat You.