This Is Exactly The Message That Fairy

Parents Ought, Through Their Own Behavior And The Values By Which They Live, To Provide Direction For Their Children. But They Need To Rid Themselves Of The Idea That There Are Surefire Methods Which, When Well Applied, Will Produce Certain Predictable Results. Whatever We Do With And For Our Children Ought To Flow From Our Understanding Of And Our Feelings For The Particular Situation And The Relation We Wish To Exist Between Us And Our Child.

Fairy Tales Are Loved By The Child Not Because The Imagery He Finds In Them Conforms To What Goes On Within Him, But Because--despite All The Angry, Anxious Thoughts In His Mind To Which The Fairy Tale Gives Body And Specific Content--these Stories Always Result In A Happy Outcome, Which The Child Cannot Imagine On His Own.

The Child Knows Only That He Engages In Play Because It Is Enjoyable. He Isn't Aware Of His Need To Play--a Need Which Has Its Source In The Pressure Of Unsolved Problems. Nor Does He Know That His Pleasure In Playing Comes From A Deep Sense Of Well-being That Is The Direct Result Of Feeling In Control Of Things, In Contrast To The Rest Of His Life, Which Is Managed By His Parents Or Other Adults.

The Good Enough Mother, Owing To Her Deep Empathy With Her Infant, Reflects In Her Face His Feelings; This Is Why He Sees Himselfin Her Face As If In A Mirror And Finds Himself As He Sees Himself In Her. The Not Good Enough Mother Fails To Reflect The Infant's Feelings In Her Face Because She Is Too Preoccupied With Her Own Concerns, Such As Her Worries Over Whether She Is Doing Right By Her Child, Her Anxiety That She Might Fail Him.

What Cannot Be Talked About Cannot Be Put To Rest. And If It Is Not, The Wounds Will Fester From Generation To Generation.