Think Books Aren't Scary? Well, Think About

If I Had A Dime For Everytime That I Was Wrong, I'd Be Broke.

If The Eyes Are The Window To The Soul, Then Why Does It Hurt When I Spray Them With Windex?

I Have Two Last Pieces Of Advice. First, Being Pre-approved For A Credit Card Does Not Mean You Have To Apply For It. And Lastly, The Best Career Advice I Can Give You Is To Get Your Own Tv Show. It Pays Well, The Hours Are Good, And You Are Famous. And Eventually Some Very Nice People Will Give You A Doctorate In Fine Arts For Doing Jack Squat.

Now, For My Younger Viewers Out There, A Book Is Something We Used To Have Before The Internet. It’s Sort Of A Blog For People With Attention Spans.

If I Ever Succumbed To The Demon On My Shoulder Going, "you Should Get Something Special Because You're Famous," That Is The Moment That My Behavior Will Be Caught On Social Media For All Time. I'm Even Afraid To Use It To Get A Reservation. This Is The Person Who Will Tweet, "can You Believe What This A-hole Did?"