There's Been Times When I Have Actually

The Bible, I've Said It Before, Is A Beautifully Written Work Of Fiction.

When I See Guys In Bars Wearing The Real Fitted Kind Of Calvin Klein V-neck T-shirts I Just Want To Go Up To Them And Be Like, 'oh, Do You Work Out? Your Tricep Looks So Great - Thank You.'

I Don't Even Know Why Somebody's Twittering As Me. I Don't Understand It, And I Wish That It Would Stop. But There's Nothing That Can Be Done. It's So Terrible.

There's A Fake Facebook Me. There's A Fake Me Twittering. Sometimes, When It Was At The Height Of Right-wing Nonsense Picking On Me, There Would Be A Fake Me Writing Letters To The Editor. Just Totally Not Even Something I've Ever Said, That Will Then Become Part Of The Echo Chamber.

For My Stand-up, I Always Have My Notebook With Me And If Something Strikes Me, I'll Write It Down.