There's A Phrase We Live By In

Americans Are Used To Being Pandered To And Spoon-fed Everything. In A Culture That Needs Caffeine-free Cherry Chocolate Diet Coke, You'd Best Deliver Information With Entertainment.

I Never, Ever In My Life Tried To Be Outrageous. I've Only Ever Tried To Say What Was Truly On My Mind And Not Pull Punches About It.

I Don't Understand Why The Police Are Infallible. They Remind Me A Lot Of The Catholic Church.

People Sometimes Say How Standup Is So Hard, And I Always Tell Them That It's Hard At The Beginning.

The Only Sport I Really Get Into Is Snowboarding. Cause That's The Only Sport Where They Perform A Half Pipe Just After Smoking A Full Pipe.