There Are Only Three Ways A Congressman

This Country Hates Professors. It Likes Toby Keith - 'i'm Gonna Put A Boot In Their Ass.' If You Don't Do That, Somehow You Can't Be Strong.

I Thought This Election Was An Adult Discussion On How Best To Protect Ourselves In The Face Of Terrorism, But Apparently It Was A Referendum On Boys Kissing... When Homophobia Trumps Terrorism In America, Wow. This Country Needs To Get Laid.

All Across The Middle East In The Streets, People Are Demanding Democracy. It's Amazing. The Only Way In America You Get People To Get Worked Up Like That Is To Threaten To Give Them Health Care.

What Is Kanye West's Message? Like Most Rap, "i Am The Greatest Person Ever And You're Not." I Used To Call It Affirmative Action For The Ego.

Trusting The Government To Monitor Your Calls Without Listening. It's Kind Of Like Trusting Chris Christie To Pick Up The Mcdonald's And Not Eat The Fries On The Way Home.