The Villain Is The Person Who Knows

Sometimes I Think Children Are The Worst People Alive. And Even If They're Not- Even If Some Smiling Toddler Is As Pure As Evian- It's Only A Matter Of Time.

I Was A Teenager In The '80s - And Maybe I'm Wrong About This - But It Seemed Like A Bad Era For Movies That Were Scary. It Was Really The Height Of Movies That Were Disgusting.

Unless You're Shannon Hoon (of Blind Melon), Dying Is The Only Thing That Guarantees A Rock Star Will Have A Legacy That Stretches Beyond Temporary Relevance.

Women Intrinsically Understand Human Dynamics, And That Makes Them Unstoppable. Unfortunately, The Average Man Is Less Adroit At Fostering Such Rivalries, Which Is Why Most Men Remain Average; Males Are Better At Hating Things That Can't Hate Them Back (e.g., Lawnmowers, Cats, The Denver Broncos, Et Cetera). They Don't See The Big Picture.

But Whenever I Meet Dynamic, Nonretarded Americans, I Notice That They All Seem To Share A Single Unifying Characteristic: The Inability To Experience The Kind Of Mind-blowing, Transcendent Romantic Relationship They Perceive To Be A Normal Part Of Living. And Someone Needs To Take The Fall For This. So Instead Of Blaming No One For This (which Is Kind Of Cowardly) Or Blaming Everyone (which Is Kind Of Meaningless), I'm Going To Blame John Cusack.