The Only Time I'll Get Good Reviews

When I Was Fifteen I Wrote Seven Hundred Pages Of An Incredibly Bad Novel - It's A Very Funny Book I Still Like A Lot. Then, When I Was Nineteen I Wrote A Couple Hundred Pages Of Another Novel, Which Wasn't Very Good Either. I Was Still Determined To Be A Writer. And Since I Was A Writer, And Here I Was Twenty-nine Years Old And I Wasn't A Very Good Poet And I Wasn't A Very Good Novelist, I Thought I Would Try Writing A Play, Which Seems To Have Worked Out A Little Better.

You...you've Been Here Quite A Long Time, Haven't You?" What? Oh...yes. Ever Since I Married What's-her-name. Uh, Martha. Even Before That. Forever. Dashed Hopes, And Good Intentions. Good, Better, Best, Bested. How Do You Like That For A Declension, Young Man?

You Gotta Have Swine To Show You Where The Truffles Are.

If The Work Of Art Is Good Enough, It Must Not Be Criticized For Its Theme. I Don't Think It Can Be Argued.

Art Has An Obligation To Offend