The Only Thing I Hate Worse Than

I Think The Reason Why More Rapists Go Into The Military Is The Same Reason Why Predators Go Into The Catholic Church. It's A Place They Know They Can Get Away With It.

The Only Silver Lining I Can Find Is That British Accents Aren't Sexy Anymore.

Hey Birthers, Wanna Hear My Theory? My Theory Was That Obama Was Born In America And You Were Born With The Umbilical Cord Around Your Neck.

Religion Is Bad And Drugs Are Good.

People Sometimes Say How Standup Is So Hard, And I Always Tell Them That It's Hard At The Beginning.