The Main Reason Women Are Crazy, Is

Why Do Croutons Come In Airtight Packages? It's Just Stale Bread To Begin With.

Next Time You See Someone Sleeping, Make Believe You're In A Science Fiction Movie. And Whisper, 'the Creature Is Regenerating Itself.'

Military Cemeteries Around The World Are Packed With Brainwashed Dead Soldiers Who Were Convinced God Was On Their Side. America Prays For God To Destroy Our Enemies. Our Enemies Pray For God To Destroy Us. Somebody's Gonna Be Disappointed! Somebody's Wasting Their Time! Could It Be.. Everyone?

And What Can We Do To Silence These Christian Athletes Who Thank Jesus Whenever They Win, Never Mention His Name When They Lose? Not A Word. You Never Hear Them Say "jesus Made Me Drop The Ball." "the Good Lord Tripped Me Up Behind The Line Of Scrimmage." According To These Guys Jesus Is Undefeated, Meanwhile These Assholes Are In Last Place. Must Be Another One Of Those "miracles."

People Always Tell Me "have A Nice Day." Well What If I Don't Want To? What If I Want To Have A Crappy Day?