The Latest Issue Of Gq Magazine, John

For The First Time Ever, Overweight People Outnumber Average People In America. Doesn't That Make Overweight The Average Then? Last Month You Were Fat, Now You're Average - Hey, Let's Get A Pizza!

The White House Softball Team Played The Pro-marijuana Lobbyists' Team And Lost 25-3. Still No Word Yet On Which Side President Obama Played For.

Actually, Joe Biden Looked Pretty Good. In Fact, Joe's Popularity Has Gone From 1% To 2% Last Week To 3% Today. At This Rate, He Could Win The Nomination By The Year 2032.

I Guess You Heard About This; The U.s. Olympic Committee Is Coming Under Fire After It Was Revealed That The Uniforms For Team Usa To Be Worn In The Opening Ceremony Were Made In China. Turns Out They Were Made By Some Of The Same Kids Who Could Beat Us In Gymnastics. That's The Worst Part.

It's Just A Matter Of Time Before We Go Into Iraq And Get Saddam Hussein. I Think Just Before Bush Falls Below 50 Percent, That's When We'll Be Going.