The Last Birthday That's Any Good Is

I Just Wish We Knew A Little Less About His Urethra And A Little More About His Arms Sales To Iran.

Flying Is Always An Unpleasant Experience. You Wait An Hour For Every Ten Minutes You Actually Spend Getting Anywhere.

American Closets Are Filled With Once-worn Clothes That Got A Bad Review From A Friend On Their First Appearance.

It's Ridiculous For A Country To Get All Worked Up About A Game—except The Super Bowl, Of Course. Now That's Important.

Always Keep Your Words Soft And Sweet, Just In Case You Have To Eat Them.