The First Time I Did Stand-up Was

I Grew Up In A House Where There Were No Taboos, So It Came Originally From A Pretty Innocent Place, Where I Was Shocked At The Things That Shocked People.

I Remember My First Standup Act When I Was Seventeen; I Did A Really Lame Song About Being Flat Chested. I Was Doing It In New York, And I Remember Kevin Brennan, The Guy I Lost My Virginity To, Was Like "that Song Doesn't Make Sense, You Have Tits."

I Gave Him A Compliment! All Right, I Told Him He Probably Would've Made, Like, A Really Expensive Slave In The, Like, In The Olden-timey Days.

If You Take A Shower With Your Boyfriend, I Guarantee By The Time You Step Out Of That Shower, Your Breasts Will Be Sparkling Clean.

I Love Going To Weddings. And I Love It When My Friends Get Married. I'm Not Against Marriage But It's Just Not For Me. I'm A Vegetarian, But I Don't Have A Problem If You Want A Hamburger.