The Biggest Thing I Remember Is That

When You're In @#*!#-ing Hell, Your Forehead Can Feel A Wee Bit Feverish. (by The Way, That's The Way My Wife Actually Curses. She Doesn't Use Dirty Words; She'll Literally Say "asterisk, Pound Sign, Exclamation Point, The-letter-'a'-with-a-circle-around-it, Asterisk, Asterisk, Asterisk.")

When My Son Said, "i Can't Stop Thinking About Girls," I Said, "that's Not Gonna Stop. Congratulations. You're In The Club. From Now Until The Day You Die, One Way Or Another You'll Be Thinking About Girls.

Peanut Butter And Lamb Chops Were Not Foods That Had Ever Been A Significant Part Of Our Life Before Pregnancy. In Fact, My Wife Almost Never Ate Either.so Where Did These Craving Come From? I Concluded It's The Baby, Ordering In.

People Often Ask Me, "what's The Difference Between Couplehood And Babyhood?" In A Word? Moisture. Everything In My Life Is Now More Moist. Between Your Spittle, Your Diapers, Your Spit-up And Drool, You Got Your Baby Food, Your Wipes, Your Formula, Your Leaky Bottles, Sweaty Baby Backs, And Numerous Other Untraceable Sources-all Creating An Ever-present Moistness In My Life, Which Heretofore Was Mainly Dry.

From The Minute We're Born, Boys And Girls Stare At Each Other, Trying To Figure Out If They Like What They See. Like Parade Lines, Passing Each Other For Mutual Inspection. You March, You Look. You March, You Look. If You're Interested, You Stop And Talk, And If It Doesn't Work Out, You Just Get Back In The Parade. You Keep Marching, And You Keep Looking.