Suicide Is Not A Blot On Anyone’s

...time Does Not Heal, It Makes A Half-stitched Scar That Can Be Broken And Again You Feel Grief As Total As In Its First Hour. -elizabeth Jennings

I Think Wanting To Write Is A Fundamental Sign Of Disease And Discomfort. I Don't Think People Who Are Comfortable Want To Write.

There Is A Particular Kind Of Pain, Elation, Loneliness, And Terror Involved In This Kind Of Madness. When You're High It's Tremendous. The Ideas And Feelings Are Fast And Frequent Like Shooting Stars....but, Somewhere, This Changes. The Fast Ideas Are Far Too Fast, And There Are Far Too Many; Overwhelming Confusion Replaces Clarity. Everything Previously Moving With The Grain Is Now Against-you Are Irritable, Angry, Frightened, Uncontrollable....it Will Never End, For Madness Carves Its Own Reality.

I Think That One Of The Many Advantages Of Death Accruing Over A Long Period Of Time Is That You Do Have Time To Meet A Lot Of Other People Who Are Going Through Similar Situations And One Of The Great Delights Of Our Life Actually Was Sitting Around In Labs Waiting For The Results Of Tests And Talking To Other People Who Were Waiting To Find Out Whether Their Cancer Numbers Were Going In The Right Direction Or Not.

I Wish I Could Explain It So Someone Could Understand It. I'm Afraid It's Something I Can't Put Into Words. There's Just This Heavy, Overwhelming Despair - Dreading Everything. Dreading Life. Empty Inside, To The Point Of Numbness. It's Like There's Something Already Dead Inside. My Whole Being Has Been Pulling Back Into That Void For Months. (81)