Stand By Your Bed And Salute Me.

I Became A Terrible Drunk Or Alcoholic - Or A Good One Depending On Your Point Of View.

I Used To Psych Myself Up Before The Show And Now I Do The Complete Opposite: I Psych Myself Down. It's 12:30 At Night, You Don't Want Some Guy Yelling At You. You Want Some Guy Just Talking To You.

Fat Is Where Comedy Is Stored.

A New Study Says By 2030 Household Robots Will Dominate Every Phase Of Our Lives. The Study Says The No. 1 Field For Robot Growth Is Medicine. That Makes Sense. Robots Already Perform Well In Surgery. That Is, Until There Is A Power Outage. Then It's Just A Coat Rack Leaning Over You As You Bleed To Death.

I Don't Think Wood Was Discovered In Britain Until The 1970's. That's When I Discovered It Anyway.