Sometimes The Sins You Haven't Committed Are

What Other People Call Dark And Despairing, I Call Funny.

Besides, If I Wanted To Hear People Speaking Wall-to-wall French, All I Had To Do Was Remove My Headphones And Participate In What Is Known As ‘real Life,’ A Concept As Uninviting As A Shampoo Cocktail.

When They're Born Outside, Crows Come And Pluck Their Eyes Out.

High School Taught Me A Valuable Lesson About Glasses: Don't Wear Them. Contacts Have Always Seemed Like Too Much Work, So Instead I Just Squint, Figuring That If Something Is More Than Ten Feet Away, I'll Just Deal With It When I Get There.

I've Always Had A Way With The Little People, Making It A Point To Humor Them Without Looking Down My Nose At Their Wasted Empty Lives.