So Many Kids Are Fat Drug Addicts

If It Weren't For Acid, You Might Not Have An Ipod, And You Definitely Would Not Have Some Of The Best Music In Your Ipod.

Since The Icelandic Volcano Obviously Needs A Virgin Sacrifice And The Catholic Church Obviously Needs New Leadership The Pope Must Volunteer To Jump In The Volcano. Pontiff, Don't Think Of It As Endorsing Paganism, Think Of It As Supersizing Ash Wednesday.

Nobody Sees People As People. It's All How They Relate To My Little Group.

New Rule: Since Our New National Position On Science Is, "screw It, We Prefer Witchcraft," Let's Not Just Retire The Space Shuttle Atlantis. Let's Drive It To One Of The Five Stupidest States And Have The Locals Beat It With Sticks. Putting It In A Museum Is Too Dangerous. Someone Could Steal It, Fly It Into Space And Notice We Revolve Around The Sun.

You Want To Spend Your Millions On A Worthless Cause? Try Donating It To The Democrats.