Snow Flower Was My Old Same For

People Say You Need To Be Strong, Smart, And Lucky To Survive Hard Times, War, A Natural Disaster, Or Physical Torture. But I Say Emotional Abuse—anxiety, Fear, Guilt, And Degradation—is Far Worse And Much Harder To Survive.

Mama Used To Tell Us A Story About A Cicada Sitting High In A Tree. It Chirps And Drinks In Dew, Oblivious To The Praying Mantis Behind It. The Mantis Arches Up Its Front Leg To Stab The Cicada, But It Doesn't Know An Oriole Perches Behind It. The Bird Stretches Out Its Neck To Snap Up The Mantis For A Midday Meal, But Its Unaware Of The Boy Who's Come Into The Garden With A Net. Three Creatures—the Cicada, The Mantis And The Oriole—all Coveted Gains Without Being Aware Of The Greater And Inescapable Danger That Was Coming.

I Am Old Enough To Know Only Too Well My Good And Bad Qualities, Which Were Often One In The Same.

I Am Still Learning About Love. I Thought I Understood It--not Just Mother Love, But The Love For One's Parents, For One's Husband, And For One's Laotong. I've Experienced The Other Types Of Love--pity Love, Respectful Love And Gratitude Love. But Looking At Our Secret Fan With Its Messages Written Between Snow Flower And Me Over Many Years, I See That I Didn't Value The Most Important Love--deep-heart Love.

I Think All Women Have A Friend Who At Some Point Dumped Them Or Betrayed Them Or Deeply Disappointed Them. And At The Same Time All Women Have A Friend Who They Dumped Or Betrayed Or Hurt In Some Way. That's Universal In Women's Friendships.