Since I Never Get On A Scale,

I Used To Work In Kitchens, Doing 12 Or More Hours A Day Of Physical Labor, So Today, Eight To 12 Hours Of Cooking, Chatting Or Filming Feels Like A Vacation. When I Have A Scheduled 'day Off,' I Spend Several Hours Writing, Then I Clean Until I Crash From Fatigue. I Don't Relax Well.

I Do Sit-ups And Push-ups At Home, And That's About It. I Have A Gym Card, But I Never Go There. It's A Front. I Pay For The Membership Every Couple Of Years, Thinking I'll Be Embarrassed Enough To Go. But Every Time I Go, There's Like People Twice My Age That Look Twice As Good!

I Started Running 3 Miles Every Morning After Throat Surgery To Remove A Cyst Last Year. The Gym Used To Be My Adversary. But That Has All Changed. Now, I Look Forward To It Every Morning.

I Wish I Could Be As Thin As Jessica Simpson. I Think She Looks Gorgeous! I Have Had Jessica On My Show Several Times, And I Can Tell You That Girl Is Genuine And Funny With A Great Self-deprecating Sense Of Humor.

I Don't Have To Write Jokes. I Don't Have To Write Insults. If You Ask The Man Of The Hour In The Hot Seat, My Mere Existence Is Clearly Insult Enough.