Sean Penn's Really The Only One Stupid

When I Was In Sixth Grade There Was A Talent Show, And I Wrote My First Sketch, 'the Dentist.' I Played The Dentist, And I Had My Friend Play A Patient. It Was Sort Of What Can Go Wrong At The Dentist, And I Just Remember I Had Lots Of Fake Blood And Everything.

The Truth Is, Marijuana Probably Isn't Going To Make You Kill People. Most Likely Isn't Going To Fund Terrorists, But Pot Makes You Feel Fine With Being Bored And It's When You're Bored That You Should Be Learning A New Skill Or Some New Science Or Being Creative. If You Smoke Pot You May Grow Up To Find Out That You're Not Good At Anything.

The Republicans Didn't Want The Government To Run Your Life, Because Jesus Should. That Was Really Part Of Their Thing: Less Government, More Jesus. Now It's Like, How About More Government And Jesus?

My Fear Is That, As Soon As I Get Married And Have Kids That I'll Kind Of Do What A Lot Of People Do And Suddenly Start Making, 'now I'm Gonna Make Films For Kids.' I Really Hope I Don't Do That.

Any Job Is A Job. If You Have To Be Doing Something, Then You're Probably Not Enjoying It.