Remember That The Most Important Thing Is

All I Do Is Lie, And That Has Made Me Immune To Compliments.

We Were Not A Hugging People. In Terms Of Emotional Comfort It Was Our Belief That No Amount Of Physical Contact Could Match The Healing Powers Of A Well Made Cocktail.

People Ask Me, 'have You Ever Considered Doing Stand-up?' To Me It Would Be Less Offensive If Someone Asked Me, 'have You Ever Considered Dental Implants?'

I Attributed Their Behavior To The Fact That They Didn't Have A Tv, But Television Didn't Teach You Everything. Asking For Candy On Halloween Was Called Trick-or-treating, But Asking For Candy On November First Was Called Begging, And It Made People Uncomfortable. This Was One Of The Things You Were Supposed To Learn Simply By Being Alive, And It Angered Me That The Tomkeys Did Not Understand It.

Also, I Used To Think That One Day I Might Get Someone To Iron My Shirts, But The Truth Is I Really Like Doing Them Myself.