Reality, While Generally Probable, Is Not Always

Everyone Feels Like They Would Love To Be A Really Cool Bartender In A Really Cool Bar, But You're Still Surrounded By People Who Want To Destroy Themselves With Alcohol. When You Look At It That Way, It's Not That Much Fun.

One Of The Things About Crowd Work That's So Exciting Is When You Discover A Character In The Audience Who's Interesting Or Funny, Who You Can Vibe Off Of. If Someone's Got A Weird Job That You Can Make Reference To Throughout, Or You Can Bring That Person Onstage - Humiliate Them, Or Celebrate Them! You Can Put People In Conversation With One Another. The Best Is When Something That They're Doing Can Reflect Back On Something That You're Doing.

To Want To Become The President Is, I Think, Such A Bizarre Ambition That It Is Automatically Deranging.

What I Collect? Interesting Jobs. Always To My Thrill And Excitement, But Ultimately To My Exhaustion, I Collect Interesting Jobs. If An Interesting Job Comes Along, I Take It; That's Why I Do So Many Things. I'm Lucky To Be Able To.

I Know Electric Knives Are Excellent For Carving Turkeys That Have Had Their Bones Removed And Been Forced Into A Mold To Shape Them. Please Note That Those Turkeys Are Called Hams.