Presley Sounded Like Jayne Mansfield Looked -

As A Precocious Teen I Dreamed Of Being Graham Greene. Well, As It Turned Out, I Never Wrote A Great Novel, Sadly, And I Never Converted To Catholicism, Happily, But I Did Do One Thing He Did. That Is, In Middle Age I Moved To A Seaside Town And Got Into A Right Barney With The Local Powers-that-be.

I Know That Brighton Is Famously A Mixture Of The Seedy And The Elegant, But In The Summer Of 2001 Seediness Swamped Elegance Hands Down.

The Money I Pay For My Cultural Experiences Came Willingly From My Own Pocket - They Were Not The Result Of Bread Being Removed From The Mouths Of The Poor So That Miss Thing Here Could Mince Off To The Circus Smelling Of Roses.

And Call Me A Pig, But Isn't It Brilliantly Refreshing How Early The Dutch Eat Dinner? When They're Still Laying Out The Cutlery In Achingly Hip Barcelona, They're Hanging The Closed Sign On The Restaurant Doors Of Old Amsterdam.

As A Kid, I Grew To Define What I Didn't Want My Life To Be Like By Sitting Behind Moaning Women On The Bus, Hearing Them Bang On About Their Aches And Pains, Both Real And Imagined.