Pissing In Jars, They Had Never Been

You Have To Try Your Hardest To Be At The Top Of Your Game And Improve Every Joke You Can Until The Last Possible Second, And Then You Have To Let It Go.

My Parents Are Very Well-behaved. If Anything, If My Mom Were Here Right Now, She Would Hug And Kiss Every One Of You Hello, And Then She Would Feed You.

Lesson Learned? When People Say, "you Really, Really Must" Do Something, It Means You Don't Really Have To. No One Ever Says, "you Really, Really Must Deliver The Baby During Labor." When It's True, It Doesn't Need To Be Said.

I Was A Very Confident Little Kid.

My Parents Raised Me That You Never Ask People About Their Reproductive Plans. “you Don’t Know Their Situation,” My Mom Would Say. I Considered It Such An Impolite Question That For Years I Didn’t Even Ask Myself. Thirty-five Turned Into Forty Faster Than Mcdonald’s Food Turns Into Cold Nonfood.