...painfully Curious...about How It Feels To Fall.

If I Had Been A Different Sort Of Person, Maybe Less Impressionable, Less Intense, Less Fearful, Less Utterly Dependent Upon The Perceptions Of Others - Maybe Then I Would Not Have Bought The Cultural Party Line That Thinness Is The Be-all And End-all Of Goals. Maybe If My Family Had Not Been In Utter Chaos Most Of The Time, Maybe If My Parents Were A Little Better At Dealing With Their Own Lives Maybe If I'd Gotten Help Sooner, Or If I'd Gotten Different Help, Maybe If I Didn't So Fiercely Cherish My Secret, Or If I Were Not Such A Good Liar, Or Were Not Quite So Empty Inside... Maybe.

But New Love Only Lasts So Long, And Then You Crash Back Into The Real People You Are, And From As High As We Were, It's A Very Long Fall, And We Hit The Ground With A Thud.

Were I To Put Myself On... One Of Those Online Dating Things, I Would Not Include In My Profile That I'm Regularly Hospitalized For Psychosis. But I Do Know That When I Get Really Bad, There Is A Place For Me To Go Where I Will Feel Better.

I Began To Measure Things In Absence Instead Of Presence.

Falling In Love Happens So Suddenly That It Seems, All At Once, That You Have Always Been In Love.