One Time I Saw An Old Man

For Me And Most Of My Friends Who Are Comedians, If You've Been Doing Comedy For A While, Your Tolerance For Things Actually Moves. I Find It Very Hard To Be Shocked, And When Other People Aggressively Take Offense To Something, I'm Sometimes Confused.

To Remove Blood Stains From Your Conscience Try Frozen Margaritas.

I Think It's Cool When An Ex-girlfriend Becomes An Xl Girlfriend.

I Don't Like Thank You Cards Because I Don't Know What Else To Say. What Do I Put On The Inside? See Front.

I Like Fruit Baskets Because It Gives You The Ability To Mail Someone A Piece Of Fruit Without Appearing Insane. Like, If Someone Just Mailed You An Apple You'd Be Like, 'huh? What The Hell Is This?' But If It's In A Fruit Basket You're Like, 'this Is Nice!'