Oh Satan You're A Wily One.

I Think Comedy As An Art Involves The Audience As A Participant As Much As Is Involves The Artist.

Here In Los Angeles, School's Out For Summer. For Thousands Of School Kids, This Is The First Week Of Summer Vacation. And For Thousands Of Parents, It's The First Week Of Hell.

There Are Rumors That There Is A John Edwards Sex Tape. People Say It's Twenty Minutes Of Edwards Caressing And Stroking...and That's Just The Part Where He Fixes His Hair.

There's Something I Believe Wholeheartedly: Cynicism Is The True Refuge Of The Pseudo-intellectual, .. Cynicism Is Easy. Joy Is An Extremely Advanced Spiritual And Intellectual Tenet.

I Have A Beard. Just Not On My Face.