Oh God, What's Wrong With Me? Why

I Had My Daughter By C-section, So Knew When And Where She Was Going To Be Born. I Got Freakishly Organized And Prepared A Group E-mail Birth Announcement. Unfortunately, I Accidentally Pressed Send All. I Then Had To Send Another E-mail Saying, "i'm Really Sorry But I Haven't Actually Had The Baby Yet." Then, When I Actually Did Have The Baby, I Felt Too Embarrassed To Send Another E-mail Saying, "i've Definitely Had The Baby Now."

It Is A Truth Universally Acknowledged That As Soon As One Part Of Your Life Starts Looking Up, Another Falls To Pieces.

Women Today Are Bombarded With So Many Messages, Like We Should Have Naomi Campbell's Body And Madeleine Albright's Career.

Tom Has A Theory That Homosexuals And Single Women In Their Thirties Have Natural Bonding: Both Being Accustomed To Disappointing Their Parents And Being Treated As Freaks By Society.

Don't Say 'what,' Say 'pardon,' Darling, And Do As Your Mother Tells You.