Northwestern's Alumni List Is Truly Impressive. This

Contraception Leads To More Babies Being Born Out Of Wedlock, Like Fire Extinguishers Lead To More Fires.

Internet Users, That Blue Screen Of Death You Were Looking At This Morning? That's The Sky. If You're Still Confused, Look It Up On Wikipedia Tomorrow.

Winning The Nobel Prize Does Not Automatically Qualify You To Be Commander In Chief. I Think George Bush Has Proved Definitively That To Be President, You Don't Need To Care About Science, Literature Or Peace.

I Like Talking About People Who Don't Have Any Power And It Seems Like Some Of The Least Powerful People In The United States Are The Migrant Workers Who Come And Do Our Work And Don't Have Any Rights As A Result. And Yet We Still Invite Them To Come Here, And At The Same Time Ask Them To Leave.

Twenty-two Astronauts Were Born In Ohio. What Is It About Your State That Makes People Want To Flee The Earth?" - Stephen Colbert To Congresswoman Stephanie Tubbs Jones, "the Colbert Report," November 3, 2005