Nobody Pours Stuffing Like You Do, My

Performance Is Really An Important Part Of How I Edit. I Sometimes Take Something Out Because I Realize I Put In A Joke Just To Be Funny And The Audience Laughed, But I Should Be Ashamed Of Myself. I Sometimes Take Out Sentences, Which Are Perfectly Fine On Paper, Just Because They Don't Flow When I Say Them Out Loud. I Always Read My Work Out Loud Now.

I'm Friends With A Lot Of Writers And So Many Of Them Say How Much They Hate Signings And How They Leave After A Certain Period Of Time. But What Is So Hard About Sitting There While People Tell You How Much They Love You? And If You Don't Like It, Well, Learn To Like It. I Try To Take One Person At A Time. I Never Look Down The Line To See How Many More People Are Left. And I Always Try To Make People Talk About Something Besides Whatever They Planned To Say.

If I Were President, I Would Turn The Tables And Allow The Fetus To Abort Its Mother.

In America, If Your Next-door Neighbor Has A Rolls-royce, You Want One Too. But In England, If Your Neighbor Has A Rolls-royce, You Want Him To Die In A Fiery Accident. That's A Quote From Someone Else, But There's Something About American Optimism, That Feeling You Can Do Anything If You're At Least Middle Class In America. If I Can Have A Writing Career, Anyone Can. There's Nothing Special About Me.

When I Look At A Lot Of Older Stuff That I've Written, I Think One Sign Of Amateur Humor Writing Is When You See People Trying Too Hard.