My Father Is An Amazing Man.

Because I'm An American, I Know There's All Sorts Of International Folks Who Would Gladly Kidnap And Behead Me.

I End Up Feeling Like A Spy In The House Of Ethnicity, You Know? Because People Will Talk Around Me As They Would Talk Around The People In Their Cultural Group. So I Get To Hear All The Secrets And Jokes And You Know, I'm A Part Of Every Community Because Of The Way I Look.

And Then She Asks Me How Many Sexual Partners I've Had And I Say One Or Two Depending On Your Definition Of What I Did To Custer . . .

Okay, So Maybe I'm Romantic... But Somebody Is Supposed To Be Romantic. Some Warrior Is Supposed To Go To War Against The Imperial Forces Of Cynicism And Irony. I Am A Sentimental Soldier.

What If Someone Picks On Me?" I Asked Then I'll Pick On Them". What If Someone Picks My Nose?" I Asked. The I'll Pick Your Nose, Too" Rowdy Said.