My Dear, Did You Just Try To

Authors Also Create Lovable, Friendly Characters, Then Proceed To Do Terrible Things To Them, Like Throw Them In Unsightly Librarian-controlled Dungeons. This Makes Readers Feel Hurt And Worried For The Characters. The Simple Truth Is That Authors Like Making People Squirm. If This Weren't The Case, All Novels Would Be Filled Completely With Cute Bunnies Having Birthday Parties.

If You Don't Believe What I'm Telling You, Then Ask Yourself This: Would Any Decent, Kind-hearted Individual Become A Writer? Of Course Not.

What Did It Mean To Be Called “lord”? I’ll Assume You’ve Never Had The Honor, Since I Doubt Any Of You Happen To Be British Royalty. (and, If By Chance You Are, Then Let Me Say, “hello, Your Majesty! Welcome To My Stupid Book. Can I Borrow Some Cash?”)

I Am A Writer Who Works From An Outline. What I Generally Do When I Build An Outline Is I Find Focal, Important Scenes, And I Build Them In My Head And I Don't Write Them Yet, But I Build Towards Them.

...somehow The Old Philosophers Could Make Even The Most Salacious Topics Seem Boring.