Mother Used To Say It Meant Christopher

Things Can Be Funny When People Are Uneasy. It Softens Them Up And Stops Them Falling Asleep On The Sofa. I Like Those Moments Where People Half-smile And Half-wince.

When I Was Writing For Children, I Was Writing Genre Fiction. It Was Like Making A Good Chair. However Beautiful It Looked, It Needed Four Legs Of The Same Length, It Had To Be The Right Height And It Had To Be Comfortable.

And It's Best If You Know A Good Thing Is Going To Happen, Like An Eclipse Or Getting A Microscope For Christmas. And It's Bad If You Know A Bad Thing Is Going To Happen, Like Having A Filling Or Going To France. But I Think It Is Worst If You Don't Know Whether It Is A Good Thing Or A Bad Thing Which Is Going To Happen.

People Say That You Always Have To Tell The Truth. But They Do Not Mean This Because You Are Not Allowed To Tell Old People That They Are Old And You Are Not Allowed To Tell People If They Smell Funny Or If A Grown-up Has Made A Fart. And You Are Not Allowed To Say, 'i Don't Like You,' Unless That Person Has Been Horrible To You.

But I Don't Feel Sad About It. Because Mother Is Dead. And Because Mr. Shears Isn't Around Anymore. So I Would Be Feeling Sad About Something That Isn't Real And Doesn't Exist. And That Would Be Stupid.